http://newiprogressive.com/images/stories/laura/trump-lawsuits-s425.pngDonald Trump’s latest $230 million lawsuit against the Justice Department proves once again that no one loves the courtroom more than he does. What it would be like if the rest of us could sue him for the stress, sleepless nights, and emotional trauma his chaos has caused?

LAKE GENEVA, WI - If Donald Trump ever decides to start his own religion, it will be called Sueism, the sacred practice of suing anyone who annoys you. The man treats court filings like most people treat Facebook posts. He has sued journalists, comedians, political rivals, banks, states, cities, and even the people who used to work for him. He has turned the American legal system into his personal complaint department. Somewhere in Washington, a tree is weeping because it knows it is about to become the paper for Trump’s next lawsuit.

His legal calendar must look like a Sudoku puzzle, with hundreds of tiny boxes filled with the names of people who dared to tell the truth. The man does not have an army of lawyers. He is an army of lawyers. If they ever stop billing him, they will probably sue him for emotional distress.

And just when you think you have seen it all, along comes his latest tantrum: a $230 million claim against the U.S. Department of Justice. You heard that right. The man who treats subpoenas like junk mail is now demanding hundreds of millions of dollars from the Justice Department because he believes he is the real victim. It is beyond belief, a lawsuit so ridiculous it could only exist in Trump World, where up is down, losing is winning, and accountability is persecution.

Sometimes I wonder, half seriously, if regular Americans could turn the tables. What if we could file a class-action lawsuit against him? I am not talking about treason or hush money. I am talking about the daily mental anguish of living in a country where every morning starts with the question, “What did he do this time?” I would like to claim punitive damages for loss of sleep, high blood pressure, stress eating, and the years shaved off my life every time he opens his mouth.

And I am not talking about a measly $230 million either. That would not even begin to cover the collective damage. I am thinking more like a trillion-dollar settlement fund for national therapy. Every American who has had to endure this endless chaos deserves compensation for emotional trauma, ruined dinner conversations, and the permanent side effects of hearing “witch hunt” shouted on repeat. Honestly, I want damages for every brain cell I have lost trying to make sense of his word salads.

If there were any justice, we would all get hazard pay for enduring his presidency, or whatever we are calling this political circus reboot. I would settle for reimbursement for therapy sessions and the gallons of Pepto-Bismol it has taken to survive his “truths.” Forget infrastructure spending; let us build a legal bridge straight from our collective trauma to the courthouse steps.

Maybe someday, when this is all over, historians will look back and realize that Donald Trump did not just break political norms. He redefined what it means to weaponize the courts. Until then, I will keep my imaginary lawsuit filed under “wishful thinking” and my sanity filed under “pending.”

Read my latest Don’t Blink! blog post, “The Most Litigious Man in America,” and join me in demanding more than a measly $230 million in damages for what we have all endured.

Read it now at LauraKiefert.blog